Transformational Painting: I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

As I shared with you in my article about why I had problems with making art, digging into the artistic part of me has always been painful for me, especially when it comes to art forms such as drawing, painting, or creating some sort of “product,” that can be seen, felt and touched.

I have been much more comfortable with performance arts and writing, but still have a lack of confidence, when it comes to writing fiction and poetry, or getting on a stage to sing or put on a costume to portray someone else. The audition and submission process in both arenas scare me tremendously.

Most people do not realize the panic I feel when I am ready to take on an audience of some kind. In addition to my natural personality trait of wanting to please others, be liked and fit-in, I took on a lot of fear of rejection and abandonment or being made fun of in my early days.  I still struggle with some of those issues of comparing myself to others, as my experiences throughout my life supported that struggle.

Yet, we get to a point in our lives when we realize that we must take the plunge and jump into whatever it is that scares us the most.  Art seems to be it for me. The time is now for me to tackle my emotions around these types of art forms.

Jewelry-making, crocheting, fused glass, music and theatre, and many other things have been something in which I have dabbled here and there.  I avoided painting and drawing like they were the plague, but I found myself  in a Transformational Painting class with Nadine Hamil at Artful Dreamers Studio in Tacoma, Washington nearly three weeks ago.

As promised, here is my experience...

I was running late.  I tend to do so anyway, but I think this was due more to my discomfort and dragging my feet a bit.  I tried to justify calling Nadine up to cancel, but could not bring myself to do it on several levels.

Contrary to what others may think of me and my abilities to get to know people, I am not generally comfortable in groups of fewer than 20, due to the vulnerability I feel (going back to not fitting in). I felt that way walking in to the basement studio.

Other than the trepidation I felt between people and painting, I loved walking in to the space. There were so many things to see. There was a sense of color and awesome wonder, unlike what I would have expected from an artist gallery or studio.  In actuality, there was a randomness and abstract quality to the room.

As much as I loved it and the freedom it represented to me, seeing the tables set up, each place setting with an easel and other things to make us comfortable, I had a sense of deep panic.  I am not sure if it were due more to the anticipation of painting or having others see me in my vulnerability.

After Nadine took us through some relaxation and visualization exercises, it was time for us start the project.

Transformational painting, as I understood it, was a step-by-step process to start us on a journey on the canvas, that would (through each step) transform from one thing to completely another.

I AM WOMAN

The 12″x12″ square canvas has already been prepared (primed with gesso) for painting. Using black acrylic paint, we were instructed to write  “I am” statements.  I decided to use a central theme of “I AM WOMAN” and added adjectives all around the centered words. I painted the adjectives in this order:

Alive, confused, bold, bawdy, brave, blessed, creative, loving, capable, animated, scarred & scared, damaged & hurt, inspiring, direct, caring, in progress, edgy, smart, instigative, talkative, and sassy.

Yep.  That just about sums me up.  What you see is what you get.  What you get is not always, however, the whole of the sum of me.

All the words staring back at me from the canvas made me feel exposed.

There were a series of steps now to take:  Paint a light whitewash over the words; using a pastel, draw a spiral from the outside to the inside, then fill in with  shape throughout the  spiral; using three colors of paints that call out, dip finger in paints and dab in each of the spaces and let dry.  Think about what the object of the painting will be and draw it on the canvas using a pencil to get the idea down before outlining it.

Several layers in the transformation

Before getting to the penciling stage, I had a breakdown about not knowing what to draw.  I (literally) was in flight mode before that, which would have been okay, but I tried to remain in my seat to work through it.

Nadine sat down beside me and talked me through it.  I was afraid I was taking away from the experience of the others by making them uncomfortable, but all I could do is give myself the space to feel uncomfortable, be vulnerable, and allow others to see. I sat there, crying, and telling the story of why art was difficult, and then showing my frustration and talking my way through what I wanted to draw.  Nadine had suggested a butterfly.  I was opposed to that and think I said, “I don’t LIKE butterflies!”  I felt like a little kid throwing a fit.

Nadine was so kind.  So were the others in the workshop.  No one ostracized me or made fun of me. Nadine asked me what I wanted to draw.  I think I said, “A heart.  I need to show people my heart.”

As she coached me through that process, I found myself telling her (and the others, because they were there in the room) that many see the qualities that I had described on the canvas, and the tough parts of me, but rarely my heart.  I shared with her how our mutual friend, Ronna, called me “a lightning bolt of instigation” and how most others are scared away by the power that they see in that or fearful or off-put by the storm that they initially see, that they never get to the big-hearted part of me when they walk away.

“I want people to see that I have a big heart.”

I knew then that I needed to draw a heart for the world to see.  It somehow represented a part of me that others don’t take the time I do not always allow others to see.

I also wanted to own that part of me that is powerful and fierce in the face of all that life has dished out–the lightning bolt. The words on the canvas were still there, even though some were no longer visible. Yet, they are still words that describe my personality and character traits, a part of the whole.

I was pretty emotional during this few minutes.

One of the participants, sitting next to me, slid her cell phone over to me without a word.  She had searched for images of hearts with lightning bolts.  Her kind gesture made me a bit weepy.  What a caring group of women!!

A Defining Moment

I outlined the heart and bolt in black paint and then painted in the colors that spoke to me.  You can still see some of the words come through.

The next step was to paint the background. I began to use my index and middle fingers to apply the paint. I took care not to get TOO messy.

I was heavier on the paint that others were.  I am not sure if it was a conscious decision to not allow much to show through or not.  Nonetheless, the paint won out over the words, but if you look closely, you can barely make out two words at the bottom of the heart–

sassy and instigative.

There was something missing for me.  It looked okay, but it seemed bland to me.  I found the glue and the gold glitter. Once I added the “bling,” I actually liked it felt a twinge that it was something I could hang on a wall.

Of course, artists always sign their work, right? I hardly felt like an artist, but having so many years in performance, I mustered up a sense of performance inside, acting as an artist. I added a signature–Coco 2014. I was not going to use my real name on this in case it found its way someday in a pile of stuff for the thrift store. (Coco is a nickname some have used for me for 30 years.)

By the time I finished, everyone else was gone. I felt that I had taken up way too much of Nadine’s time and was embarrassed and apologetic. Yet, she took a moment and sat down with me.  We talked about many things, but this is what I remember of the conversation:

Me: “You know, I have to admit that I kind of like this. It’s the glitter that did it, that made it pop.”

Nadine: “I think so, too.”

Me: “This was extremely painful…the process of it, I mean.”

Nadine: “Did you, at least, have some fun?”

Hearing her words, I started to panic.  I could tell her the truth and open myself up to being more vulnerable. I was also worried that I would hurt her feelings by doing so.

Me: “Honestly, no I didn’t. It was not fun for me, but it was necessary. And I actually do like the result.”

I sat for a moment in the echo of my brain having spoken my truth. Nadine did not flinch nor get up and walk away. She simply listened and I knew she cared enough to do so.  For the first time in my life, I felt as if I were sharing my deepest secrets with a big sister. It felt a bit awkward to me, but I allowed myself that moment.

I decided to call this painting, “Hear Me Roar!”  Perhaps it was due originally to the reference of the old Helen Reddy song, “I Am Woman.” It seemed appropriate at the time, and it has stuck.

Since that day, I have come to an understanding of a few simple truths about myself, as they came out in the painting.

• I am woman under all that I show to the world, and am complex in what I feel and share. I share some of the qualities I possess, but do not always show them in a vulnerable way.  I make choices, picking and choosing what I want the world to see.
• I do have a heart that I want the world to see. A big heart.  One that cares deeply that I often hide from others because I have felt so much pain. Yet, having a heart does not mean that I am weak.
• The lightning bolt speaks to my fierceness. Much of the world has seen that part of me. It, like my heart, is often misunderstood. Fierceness does not mean that I am unapproachable or heartless, but it does mean I face fear with a determination that others do not easily or readily understand.  I am willing to sacrifice a part of myself with an energy that is frightening for some.
• When you marry up the big heart and the lightning bolt, it represents many emotions. It might appear to some that it is a broken heart.  It certainly often feels that way in my life, my fierceness often scaring people away and leaving me feeling isolated. When  alone, others do not see my heart.  Or perhaps, they are also as afraid of my heart as I am.
• Under all that I show (in this case both heart and lightning bolt), I am still the same woman, whether or not it is visible or not. I am made up of so many qualities. If others could peel away all the layers of paint, they would be able to read them.

Just as this process was transformational on the canvas, the experience was equally transforming for me. I am in a place of discovery that I cannot go through alone.  I need others to walk beside me, at times. I also need them to understand that in my vulnerability, I am not weak, nor in my fierceness am I unapproachable.

I realize that it requires me to be honest with myself and others, and understand that will not always result in the same people I have known being able to be present.  I may need to open myself up to the heartbreak of losing and also the discovery of new experiences and people.

Regardless, under it all and no matter the transformation, still I am woman.  And still you will hear me roar.

Some things never change.

* * * * * * * *

Author’s Note:

Many thanks to Nadine Hamil and Artful Dreamers Studio for helping to start me on this path of my journey.  I look forward to many more opportunities to learn, play, and grow.

Thanks, too, to my dear friend, Ronna Detrick (ronnadetrick.com), who has blessed me in more ways than she may even realize. Through her, I met Nadine. But without her, I would not have known how to acknowledge and accept the “lightning bolt” part of me.

Both of these women are instrumental to my learning how to accept and show my heart.  I am eternally grateful and love both of these women.

I hope that others who may find themselves reading this blog will also check out the links to these women’s websites. May you be as blessed as I am to get to know each of them.

What a week!

Here it is, we are already into November. Can you believe it?

Here in western Washington, my lights have been flickering all morning with the wind storm that is picking up speed.

My experiences this week have felt similarly.  It seems that the energy that has been blowing all around me in many aspects of life has been picking up some speed.

Part of my week has not been fun.  I have encountered situations and people that were, at best, maneuverable.

I wrote about one particular situation and person in a diary entry this morning– “Dear Diary: This week was not so fun!”

Another situation that was difficult for me was making a decision in my professional life, which never seems to be easy for me.  It would have been a new training opportunity with the same company.  That is always exciting to me, as I love to learn and tackle new subjects.  But my doing so would have presented some other challenges for me.

One of the things I usually love about my job is the diversity of the class participants.  Taking on these new workshops would have severely limited the demographic of all the workshops I facilitate to mostly younger people with little experience.  I actually enjoy the classes of retirees, although this past week’s class may be an exception if I think too hard on it!  🙂

Because of that, and the unknown of medical test results due in January, I made the decision to decline on this opportunity for now, keeping the door open for future.

Every time I make a decision like this, I tend to question myself, which creates a self-directed anxiety that I do not need.  I wonder if I made the right decisions. Then I tend to ruminate.

And ruminate, I did, especially in light of the challenge I faced with “Mr. Sunshine,” the participant in the class who I described in my diary entry.  My mind even jumped right into doubt in my abilities and desires.

But as I reflect on the week, even though it was difficult and painful at times, I am becoming more clear in what I want and need from a job and the people I work with.  This extends to those with whom I choose to be in relationship.

Yesterday, I also had the honor to be in on a group call with Fabeku Fatumise.  Each time I am on a call, or get into dialogue with this man on any level, I have those “two-by-four-moments.”  You know the ones that hit you right between the eyes with something you need to learn (again)?

The subject:  Coherence.  There were so many great lessons and reminders to come from the call, but the one that resonated with me after this week’s events was this (and I paraphrase):

Coherence is not about (fluff)…it is having an identity that is plugged into an understanding of one’s bigness…it is also about finding balance in the relationships one has so that you can go about building, feeding and nurturing those relationships with people who support (me) in that bigness and coherence…it’s pretty simple, but it’s not easy…requires devotion to the practice…

Coherence is also knowing exactly who you are, without apologies.

When I heard Fabeku ask the same question I challenge my participants with, I knew that the week came full circle:

WHO ARE YOU?

Continue to ask yourself that question.  Dig deeply.  Answer it.  Ask it again.

And though what we may in life may not always be fun, and can leave us feeling a bit unsure in the chaos, there is fun in the discovery. We simply need to open ourselves up to all the possibilities.

Copyright © 2013 Coral Levang.

Honest Communication or Platitudes?

I have often questioned how humans communicate.  What we speak or what is left unsaid.  How we interpret and negotiate meaning.  Words or behavior.

And the pundits conduct research to study people, their words and behavior, and come up with theories as to hows and whys and what we can expect given statistical evidence.

Ack! Even as I write, I find myself analyzing what will be the most effective way to say what I want to say, taking care not to write something to offend or make anyone someone uncomfortable.

Last month in the A to Z in April Blogging Challenge in “H is for Honesty.” I suggested that “(Lying) rob(s) us of self-respect, trust of others, joy and freedom…”   (Click the hyperlink for the original.)

I also said, “Honesty is vital to claiming who we truly are and what we want in life and with the others in it.”

Honest communication is much more than a simple choice of words. We consider intent, risk, value and respect (or lack thereof) for others, our view of self, and so much more before we justify or rationalize what we say and how we say it.

And sometimes, we say things without any consideration.  Saying things out of habit.  Just because. And I am guilty, as charged, of participating  in my share of it.

“Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true.” ~ H. L. Mencken

I am tired of meaningless conversation. 

Canned questions and answers that rival a well-stocked pantry with No. 2 cans. (I’m showing my age with that metaphor.)

Question: “How are you?”

Response: “Great!”

Truth be told, both question and response can be rather trite.

We ask questions, not really wanting to hear the truth.  We answer, not wanting to “go there.” So, we simply act like we are engaged in conversation with someone else who (like us) is not willing to be genuine and vulnerable.

Consider this more genuine interchange:

Friend #1:  “How are you?”

Friend #2:  “Honestly, I’m having a really shitty day. I’ve been putting in long days so I don’t have to go back to an empty apartment.   I miss my kids. I’m having a hard time remaining civil around my ex-wife because I see her having moved on without me. I’ve tried moving on and dated a little, but I picked a real ‘doozy.’

I’m afraid to trust anyone.  I am not sure I trust myself.  I’m sad, I’m lonely and I put on a “happy face” around people. The truth is I’m really hurting and am not having much fun.”

Friend #1:  “I’m so sorry you’ve had that kind of day.  I thought my day was bad when the dog puked on the carpet this morning, had to clean it up, and then I picked up a nail in my tire and was late for work. It sounds like we could both use a little break from it all.

If you don’t have any plans after work, how about we go to the gym for a couple of hours? I still owe you one after the last beating I took on the court from you!”

This kind of communication requires us to be able to be vulnerable, compassionate, and genuine. It requires us to be truthful with ourselves and one another.

It does not mean we need to be an “open book” with people we do not know, nor those who have hurt us deeply.  We certainly must learn to set honest boundaries.

Learning to be vulnerable, set boundaries, and say what we want to say from “heart” is not an easy task.  It is too easy to fall into old habits. And we most often do it when we use the words…

“I love …!” 

Ice cream. Baseball. Chevy cars. Chocolate. (Fill-in the blank.)

We throw around the word “love” so often that its meaning has been lost convoluted where it counts the most. What means something to one person means nothing to the other.

We say, “I love you,” but our behavior speaks a different message.

We respond out of obligation.  To avoid feeling vulnerable.  Repeat phrases spoken to us in response, rather than initiating words that may make us feel raw and exposed.

Is it any wonder that so many are confused?  That there are so many hurt feelings? That we have such difficulty understanding one another? That so many families are broken apart? Friendships estranged? Romantic fires doused?

“Say what you mean. Mean what you say.”  (Author unknown)

Communication is not always easy, that is for certain.  At work.  At home.  At play. Between acquaintances. Friends. Family. Lovers.

We must attempt to make our thoughts, wants and concerns known to others who speak a different “language” from us based on our individual experiences and style.

Stop with the platitudes. 

Platitudes become the very reason that people will stop believing the words and believe only the actions.

They do nothing more than keep us in a constant state of grief, anger, fear, sadness, loneliness, guilt and shame. It pushes us toward unfulfilled desires and dreams of connection, love and pure joy in life.

We stop ourselves from experiencing all the things we say that we truly want from life with healthy, like-minded people who will laugh, cry, share and love with us.

Risk more. Learn to trust. Speak the truth.

Be honest.

Passion and Purpose Revisited

Three years ago when I wrote, “Passion, Mission and Purpose,” I felt lucky to have found a job that I loved, working for a company that I “fit.”  I alluded to “living with purpose,” and I also wondered…

…how many others are currently doing something where there is no joy.  No passion.  No life.  Where one day melts into another and the music has been silenced in their souls.

I realize today, three years later, that I had (cue the old Carpenters cassette tape now) “only just begun to live.”

I no longer believe that LUCK really has anything to do with life.

Trevor Blake

Businessman and author of “Three Simple Steps,” Trevor Blake was recently asked the question, “What does follow your passion really mean?”  (Read Trevor’s full response on his blog.)

Many people mistake being passionate with excitement and noisy cheerleading. Some dictionaries even define the word in those terms. Oddly though its Greek derivation means “to suffer or endure.”

For me it is an emotion that comes somewhere between the two. It is a powerful compulsion. It requires no jumping up and down or screaming, and it is impossible to ignore.

When you follow your passion, you are on purpose, and you have a sense of knowing about it. There is a great calmness in your emotions. You just know where you are supposed to be right now, and where you are supposed to go. There is no need for excitement and there is no fear because doubt has been removed. It is serenity. (Trevor Blake)

To be passionate is to suffer and endure?  I’m sure there are many of you asking this question, “Haven’t I suffered and endured enough already?” 

Trevor continues,

…passion is that juncture where purpose and knowing meet…there can be no mistaking it when you get there. At that point, nothing in the universe can derail you. Obstacles become experiences, and you don’t need to convince yourself of success because you just know. The stress of no longer having to believe falls away, and is replaced by a sense of knowing…

Life goes on…

Much has changed for me in three years. That’s not new for any of us.  Life continues to move on in spite of what we must suffer or endure.

What I have learned (and am continuing to learn) is that living a life of purpose and passion is not defined by what we do for work, how much money we make, what title we hold, or how many people know our name.  Nor is it about the recognition we receive through accolades, pictures with celebrities, nor any other ego-boosting honor.

That is not to say that we should be ashamed or feel guilty when these good things come to us.

Three years later…

I am not nearly as intent on convincing myself (or others) of anything.  I know that I’m exactly at a place in life where I belong.  Of course, I don’t always like having to go through some of the challenges I face, but I have to say that I’m at much more peace than I’ve ever been before.

Do I love my “job” and the company for which I work?  Yes, I do.  But it has absolutely nothing to do with the title I hold, the company or the contracts signed.

Living with passion and purpose means that I take each day for what it offers me, wherever I find myself to be and with whomever I am to share it.  It is not necessary for me to always DO something.

It is my job in life to simply BE. 

I think I’m finally beginning to understand what Trevor Blake meant:

The stress IS falling away and  I KNOW I’m on the right path for me.

Drama-Free Living

When I want more drama in my life, I’ll start auditioning again.  ~~ Coral Levang

Those of us who love people and helping others are often caught up in the “drama” that surrounds them.  We want to help, so we listen and give advice.   Then, we are puzzled when we are listening to the same people cry about the same situations week-after-week, month-after-month, and year-after-year.

I am learning to concentrate on my own life  and letting others have complete responsibility for their own lives, behaviors and outcome.  It’s not always easy to do, because I’ve spent a lifetime playing a certain role in others’ lives.  Sometimes, I’m cast in the drama; at other times I play the understudy and jump into the role, when needed. 

When we pay attention more to others and their dramatic situations, it becomes a way for us to distract ourselves from looking at our own issues.  

I don’t think this is uncommon.  But when we concentrate on trying to “fix” others, we avert the focus on the thing over which we DO have control–our own behavior. 

Though it can feel like we are abandoning others by letting them deal with their own issues, we do others a disservice when we get so involved that we do too much.  But we are often blamed for the outcome, or find ourselves embroiled in a situation where we have no business.  And we do ourselves the bigger disservice by ignoring our own needs for change and growth.

Be compassionate.  Listen when others need to talk.  Help by encouraging others to make good decisions based on their own values, needs and desires.  Let them make those decisions for themselves.

Then do the same for yourself and your life.  Drama-free.

 

The Hustle

“Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.” ~ Abraham Lincoln.

I think this Lincoln quote can be  interpreted in several ways.  So, I’d like to go on record by saying this:

“There are two kinds of hustlers out there.  Stop living life waiting on anyone who hustles you out of your time and your self respect and start hustling yourself into living the life you were intended to live.” ~~ Coral Levang

Y is for Yearning

Oh, how often we ache!  We YEARN—having an intense, overpowering longing–for things we do not have or people we have lost.

We become consumed with this desire, as it becomes a persistent, melancholy reminder of what we are lacking, how we have been slighted, what has been taken from us, or how life has not been fair.

We focus on limitations.  We complain about what we don’t have. We are indignant toward others who have what we feel we “deserve” to have. We try to control what we cannot and discard our sense of responsibility toward that which we affect.

We look to others to complete us and provide our happiness in life, and become angry when they do not meet our expectations. We pine away when they leave us to pursue other relationships.  We blame others and our circumstances for all that we are and all that we have become…and sometimes, whether we want to live or die.

We get caught up in the “if only,” the “what if,” and the “why me?” and then become desperate to clench hold of things slipping through our fingers or unhealthy relationships on the way out of our lives.  Or we go out of our way to dig up dirt on others, in order to smugly justify our own deceitfulness.  We expend so much of our energy and precious time on focusing on things and people outside of our control.

What if we redirected our yearnings by becoming healthy in body and mind, or better educated?  By concentrating on these things over which we do have control, would we be happier and have more to offer this world?

What if we learned how to be better communicators or became more self-aware?  Would we be better equipped to resolve the conflicts we have with family, coworkers, partners, or lovers?  Would we begin to see the patterns we use in choosing the people we include in our lives?  Would we avoid those situations which suck the very life from us and make better choices?

Author and educator Helen Keller, who was blind and deaf, lived a life of purpose and fulfillment facing (what others might say are) insurmountable challenges, in addition to the same things that we all encounter on a daily basis.  She said, “I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad…there is just a touch of yearning at times, but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers.”

Rather than yearn for the things that are missing in life or for an easier life, long for the successes that can be achieved.   Yearn to make a positive impact–a difference–without comparison to others, but for what can be accomplished.

I long to accomplish a great and noble task; but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.  ~Helen Keller

Having the Courage to Face Fears

I have been slow to learning how to maneuver through this world of computer-mediated communication.  Though I learned how to “chat” over a decade ago,  social networking has becoming such a fast-growing craze that I’ve been unable to keep up!  Yet, I persist and hope to learn more as I go along.

Recently, I came across a coach named Cassandra Rae living in the San Francisco Bay area.  I must admit that her energy level makes me tired!  She writes on several blogs that I’m not able to keep up with easily!

But back to her energy…Her message to me is to live life fearlessly, by being courageous enough to face fears. And she does it by putting herself out there, letting others see the genuine, vulnerable, wonderfully open Cassandra with a sense of humor that makes me laugh.  She’s a delight!

Much of what I’ve read of her thus far has a familiar ring to it.  Though we are two different people whose paths have taken us on different journeys, there are many similarities.  She shares her life so very openly that it speaks to me to take a look at my own challenges. Yes, Coach Cassandra Rae has been dropped into my lap through social networking, and quite unexpectedly so, and has challenged me to approach life fearlessly.

Facing fear isn’t always easy.  But the sooner I realize that I am not alone in what I fear, nor am I alone in facing those fears, the easier it becomes to tackle what I consider to be the “tough stuff.”

Cassandra asked the question yesterday, “What are you doing to create the life of your dreams?”  As I begin to explore the possibilities, I must also ask myself, “What is the fear that holds me back from creating that life and dream?”

You might have a list of fears or challenges that hold you back.  Trying to tackle them all at once will be overwhelming. So let’s begin today by addressing them in baby steps–one step at a time.

At the beginning of the year, I said that my goal was to write something daily.   So the fear I examine today is that which I hold onto surrounding this blog.  I have not written daily because my fear is that I don’t always have something profound to say and others may find it meaningless.  It may mean that I don’t have much to write about, when I think others expect me to write a novelette.

This fear robs me of an opportunity to genuinely connect with some people that may see me as unapproachable.  It also robs me of the joy of being able to laugh when I make a mistake in grammar, spelling or syntax.

My challenge is to let others see me in the imperfections and be joyous doing so.  My challenge is to make a point of writing at “Living Beyond…” on a daily basis and giving myself permission to write only one paragraph, or one line, or to share a quote…if that’s all I want to write.

What is one challenge that holds you back from the kind of life you want to live?  What are you willing to tackle today?

Passion, Mission and Purpose

I love my job.

I have passion for what I do.

For the first time in many years I am doing what I am intended to do in life.   I not only am working in a job and with a company where I am celebrated for what I bring to the table, but I have the…

…freedom to be myself

and share what I believe is most important in many of life’s transitions.  I am lucky to have finally come to a point where I “fit”…and quite well.

It has not always been like this.  It is a wonder that I did not drown many times in the undercurrents of those jobs and organizations where I had no place being.

I wonder…how many others are currently doing something where there is no joy.  No passion.  No life.  Where one day melts into another and the music has been silenced in their souls.

The time has come to take control and…

…find your passion. 

Develop a mission statement.  Start living and breathing what it is that you love to do and with an organization that fits what you want for you.  It is not all about fame, fortune, or things that can be lost  in a blink of an eye.

It is about living life with a purpose…

…your purpose. 

It starts with taking the time to discover what that purpose is.  You still have time.

Take that time now.

Criticism Is a Habit

As much as I struggle with criticism when others shower their comments on me, I am also guilty of thinking, speaking, and acting in judgment of others.  It’s not something that makes me proud.

Last week, I suggested in “Living Beyond Criticism” that we must learn to accept criticism with the idea that it is simply an opinion of us, and that we can grow beyond the sting of one’s view of us.  I also wrote, “Reacting defensively to criticism does not make criticism go away, but convinces those delivering the criticism that what they believe about you is true.”

When we are the ones doling out the criticism or standing in judgment of others, what does it say about us?  Does it do us any good?  Does it bring about positive changes?  Does it make us feel better about the situation?  Or does it cause more resentment?  Does it contribute to our continued distrust of others?  Do we feel superior or alone when those we criticize retreat and insulate themselves from us?

Many of us grew up in hypercritical family units.  We learned how to belittle, criticize, and incite shame.  We became habitual experts at word manipulation in order to keep others in line or to feel that we were in control over situations we really were powerless to change.

Just as it is important to understand that criticism aimed at us is merely an opinion, we must also look to why we also criticize others. Perhaps we feel the need to be right.  Or perhaps it’s that we feel we have the right to be critical because it’s been done to us.

When I get caught up in how I feel about others’ decisions, actions, or thoughts, I can become critical.  In fact, I usually go into a “holier-than-thou” internal diatribe or I self-flagellate for acting toward others in ways that can only cause distance between us.  I never feel good about it.

I was taught how to be critical.  I learned the lesson well.  It allowed me to survive some of the toughest times.  But the lesson is well-past its prime.

Old habits die hard.  This is one that needs to be put to rest.