We make decisions to tell the truth (or not) and, then when caught in a lie, we are quick to have a “valid reason” for telling it. We excuse ourselves from being honest, but hold others to far more scrutiny for doing the same thing.
We often use an arbitrary ranking scale to justify telling lies, stretching our truths, and any blatant omissions, which we believe we can get away with indefinitely.
Unfortunately, some become so adept at being dishonest with others and themselves that they are incapable of having deeply fulfilling, healthy relationships of any kind–business, work, family, friends or romance.
Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships. ~Author Unknown
Is there anyone that has been completely honest in all their dealings in life? I doubt it. But there comes a time when one must take a look at him or herself and be accountable for the hurtfulness caused by the decisions made to lie to someone, especially those claimed to be cared about.
Lies always seem to come back to haunt us. They rob us of self-respect, trust of others, joy and freedom…the very same things that we lose from those people in relationships where we have been dishonest. We may be caught in our lies, and given a chance to “‘fess up”; even then, some choose to perpetuate more lies, rather than disclose the whole truth.
Honesty is vital to claiming who we truly are and what we want in life and with the others in it. When we lie about who we are and what we need or want, the idea that we need to pretend to be something that we are not is reinforced over and over again, and if/when “found out,” shame and guilt become constant companions.
Real honesty takes “guts.” It is not easy to “come clean” with others. It starts with the more difficult task of being honest with oneself.
When we can forgive ourselves for our dishonesty and begin being true to ourselves and others in all of our dealings, then we will find the freedom, joy and love for which we so hungrily yearn. Therein will lie the key to forgiveness and true, honest connection.
Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.
(From Honesty by Billy Joel)