Six months is too long…

Six months is too long to go without keeping up on a blog of any kind.  If this were a blog which was monetized and I were relying on its income, instead of simply as a way to share my silly thoughts, I would be in dire straits.

Since I last posted, I audited more Spanish classes at my local community college.  It has not done much for my ability to speak, but I can certainly understand more.  Admittedly, the tenses beyond the present and simple past kicked my butt.  I plan on re-auditing the both Spanish II and III again in the winter and spring quarters.  I am also bound and determined to find a place where I can volunteer that will keep me (at least) speaking occasionally.  The more I hear it, and attempt the communication in Spanish, the more I will retain.

In the late spring (May and June), I came up on an anniversary of my diagnosis of stage 4 Neuroendocrine Tumors (NETs)/Carcinoid Cancer.  It has been five years since the fiasco of 2012, when I was told that I “have six months to a year; two, if lucky.” Each year, I have a little “fight” with myself surrounding those memories.  I keep reminding myself that I am LIVING with stage 4 cancer, NOT dying of it!

I am grateful for this life, and am also grateful for the decades of other challenges throughout my life–family, military, my choices, failed relationships (romantic, friends, family, career)–that have prepared me to handle all that has been dropped in my lap.  Of course, I am ever-so-thankful for the good things that have also come from life. Sometimes, the challenge is staying focused on the good that comes from each and every situation, even though it is not always easy.

I truly believe it is a mindset that comes from releasing ourselves from the shame and guilt that has been heaped upon us by systems (family, school, religion, military, clubs, cliques, etc. ) that feel the need to control us…to make us “behave.”  I have become more and more aware this year of just how much I chose those paths over the years, because I somehow felt so damaged and in need of being fixed.

I have held onto a lot of “clutter” in my life, literally and figuratively.  I have used this to keep people “out”…to isolate myself. Honestly, I have done this much of my life, whether things, people, or thoughts.  I am working on the de-cluttering process in many facets. Whether things, thoughts or people, all can insidiously take over our lives, leaving us no room for taking care of ourselves first.  I am continuing to do some hard work surrounding some of those issues and, I am happy to say, with much less guilt.

Just 12 days ago, I had a birthday–my 62nd.  It has been a challenge to wrap my head around this number.  But it is just a number. Since I never believed that I would see 58, I am always surprised.  I do not dwell much on it, but try to wake up each day and simply say, “Thank you.”

There is always much more that I could say, but I will call it “a wrap,” for this evening.

I will simply end with one of my favorite quotes from Ann Landers.

Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead. That is where your future lies.

Remember, dear readers, we are all living with something.  Please do not allow it to keep you from enjoying life.

Love, joy and peace to you…


17 thoughts on “Six months is too long…

  1. So very good to read your thoughts this evening, Coral. Yes, you are LIVING with! And yes, some of us do need to take care of ourselves, first… we’re taught not to do that I think. Happy belated birthday!

    1. Ruth!! It is so good to hear from you! I have been thinking a LOT about you these last couple of weeks. In fact, I was telling a friend about you the other day, and the “5 Gifts” that I gave a couple of Christmases ago. So much to catch up on! I hope you will write to me, and let me know what’s going on in your world. Thanks for the birthday greetings!! Hugs and much love.

  2. Inspirational post Coral. And a belated happy birthday to you. Yes, six months is too long. You should write more often. Keep fighting, keep smiling and keep winning. Love n hugs.

    1. Gulrukh … Getting around to answering things here. I know that I have been remiss in doing so. I have disassociated with another site in order to concentrate on other ventures (like this blog and another I have plans to create). Hope to have more time!! Thanks for your support!

  3. Gary utchler

    Good to see your latest post. We all live with something and wrapping our mind around the living part comes to each of us at different times. I was thinking about you recently and hoped you had a good birthday. Stay strong as I know you always have been.

    1. Hi Gary…Always good to hear from you. I’m back to the blog, and have plans to start another or two soon. In process now of designing it. Happy 2018!!

  4. Dina Schweim

    Just the other day, as I was putting some laundry away, I came across one of my old Relay for Life souvenir T-shirts – I rarely notice anything written on my clothes, lol, but this time, the “more birthdays” phrase caught my eye. Happy belated Birthday!

  5. Coral, The beauty, vulnerability, and honesty of your words just made me cry. I stopped crying years ago in order to toughen myself up against family abandonment.
    I know you from just a segment of your Navy life. I remember your joy when I look at a photo of you romping in the ocean at that banned section of Barber’s Point beach when we would flash the military helicopters flying overhead. Your smile was beautiful!
    I am not surprised that you are a tough survivor. You exemplify that it’s okay for life to get a little messy. I’m not surprised that your prolific writings are touching and encouraging. I’m so glad that last month I thought of and googled you on a whim. What a treasure I found! You made me want to get off my butt and finish my book instead of just letting the years fly by as well as taking control of other aspects of life.
    The next time you feel old, remind yourself that I’ll always be three years older.
    God bless you!

  6. Linda

    Dearest Coral, I have never commented on your blog before, but was moved to do so, because your words have brought me to tears yet given me hope & inspiration. Thank you for your “raw” honesty about failed relationships & hurts….you are a true & caring soul whose courage is beyond imaginable. I believe you are meant to be with us, as you still have much to do & lives to touch in this world. Thank you for touching mine along with my heart. Wishing you much peace, love & happiness.

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