A Conversation with My Mother

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of my mother. Today was no different, except that I talked to her today…a lot.

If you were able to ask her about me, she would tell you that I would talk to anyone who would listen. She might even tell you that she was a bit concerned that I was talking to myself, and blaming her for me talking to myself today!

Today marked five years since she has been gone.

Mom always told me to keep looking forward…“you can’t go back in time.” Sometimes, even remembering or talking about the past, she would call, “living in the past.”  We never did agree on that point.

I thought a lot about Mom today, but not only because it was this anniversary. I went to visit my dear friend, who has been in the hospital since last Wednesday. I call him “my brother from another mother.” 

I think that my mother would have liked him.  He doesn’t talk too much, and he has the same rapier wit that she had.  They both deliver those zingers like no other.  They may have become rather competitive. They would both get a chuckle at who could come up with the best ones.

I asked my Mom to put a good word in for my friend, and let whatever “Big Guy Upstairs” there is to find something else for him to do here.

Soon after I had that talk with Mom, he reached for my hand on the railing, and took it to squeeze it. Though he’s very ill and not coherent, he is still showing signs of responding to voice commands. A day earlier, this was not the case.

Having dealt with this situation with him, and losing another friend, Pam, to carcinoid cancer/neuroendocrine tumors (NETs) on Saturday, I am glad that I was able to spend some quiet time while remembering Mom and feeling her presence.  But yet…

Mom, I miss you so very much. 




7 thoughts on “A Conversation with My Mother

  1. Sometimes, it seems we miss those who are gone, more with each passing year, just in a different way, perhaps not as raw as the initial loss and yet we wish they could be here to share the woes and the joys. Being able to spend quiet reflective time thinking about those who have gone seems to bring them nearer and I almost feel I can talk to them and let them know what is going on. Shortly before my own mother’s death, (maybe a month) she started talking about her own mother and father and seeing them. I understand this is common in the dying but back then, (16 years ago) I didn’t know and as she was very confused at that stage, I thought she was just regressing to childhood and safety.
    I hope your “brother” continues to respond and to improve.

  2. Coral, your words about your Mom caused me to reminisce about those who have shared their love & wisdom and been like a Mom to me. We are very blessed to have had them touch our lives . I too grieve at the passing of our dear friend Pam. What a dear Lady, she was. Her compassion and love has touched many. We will definitely miss her! Thank you for sharing from your heart. Hugs and love, Jewels

  3. Dina

    I just came across this today as I was catching up on my reading from email inbox. This is GemOfAGirl from PersonaPaper.

    My own mother just passed away just three months ago, and the grief is still very raw and overwhelming (and what a bad night I had with it last night! Whew!) So far, only very few of my conversations have gotten beyond the I-wish-you-were-still-here part. She’s most likely quite bored with the lack of the variety of what i have to say right now, 😉

    In reading what you’ve written, I’m struck with how much you’re able to handle. Not only do you have your own health struggles, you’ve recently lost someone dear to you, and are by the side of someone else dear to you with a serious health struggle, and all while remembering your mom, and all of the emotions that come with her. AliCanary and I have talked about you in our non-virtual conversations (were your ears burning?), and we’ve both remarked on how extraordinary a woman you are.

    1. Dina…Thank you so very much for your message. I am sorry to hear of your loss.

      I do so appreciate your kind words. I miss you and Ali, and hope that we all will cross paths again soon.

  4. cheri

    My mom passed away years back. My father died in 2004 and mom could not bear the loss and followed him the next year. It is such a great loss for me because I was just starting to have my family. My kids grow up not even knowing them.

    How I miss them so much and I feel unlucky because my older siblings were able to experience their guidance when they were starting to have their own family. I have been on my own all along.

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