It Hurts when We Lose People

Relationships of all kinds go through an evolutionary process. As some get stronger, there are many that are lost.  This holds true in friendship, business, romance, and in families.

Many times they are (or have been) one-sided. They were not steeped in honesty. Some may be extremely toxic. Others may be influenced by viciousness and lies. Regardless, it hurts to lose those for which we have cared.

I must admit that I tend to be a bit idealistic. I actually believe people when they tell me:

  • They value the relationship between us.
  • They will be there through thick and thin.
  • They love me.
  • Things will stand the test of time.

I also understand that situations can change, and it is difficult to say things that need to be said.

But it is easier for some people to simply walk away as if others never existed. That has never been easy for me.

I have not always made the best choices in dealing with the more difficult situations with people.  I understand that it can be very tough to know what to do or say when you do not want to hurt someone, but know that your decision will do so. I, too, have walked away awkwardly, leaving others to wonder what the hell just happened.

But I think that the thing that makes it hardest to bear is when a relationship ends without any explanation or an opportunity for discussion. It devalues us all when there is no validation that the friendship means something, or has ever meant anything. Without a conversation where there is a heart-felt truthful dialogue, it feels as if someone has slammed a door in my face. These are the things that rip at the very heart of me. Even as an adult, the pain of rejection and abandonment from youth can linger and then grab hold when least expected.

And it feels dishonest on so many levels. It would be so much better if we could all be forthright and open, coming to shared understanding of any situation. But that seems to fall into my bucket of unrealistic expectations.

Yet, how I wish it were so.

© 2015, Coral Levang

Photo credit:  Pixabay/Public domain.


3 thoughts on “It Hurts when We Lose People

  1. I have never been able to understand how some people can so easily end a relationship without at least trying to improve their situations. From experience, I know that some relationships are impossible to salvage for a variety of reasons, but they’re always worth trying. How anyone can walk away from a relationship, especially when the person they’re walking away from is a son or daughter, mystifies me. What we sometimes forget is that we might have contributed to the relationship’s demise by something we said or did without knowing that we hurt someone. Unintentional pain is still pain. And the only thing that resolves issues is conversation and discussion. Sadly, too many people walk away in pain, because they thought they would experience more pain by trying to work things out. We have to at last try. And if we’ve given our all and it still ends, so be it. Then we need to learn to accept rejection and abandonment and move on. Not easy and it may take decades, but languishing in perpetual misery is the alternative and who wants to live in that kind of existence?

    1. I agree that the only thing that resolves issues is discussion. Yet we also must recognize that resolution may very well be to end the relationship. That is the pain of it all, but one that will soften because it was done honestly and with forthrightness. I think we are on the same page, once again.

  2. I think a conversation at the end is very helpful in resolving a situation. Sometimes you can think you know what’s wrong but you don’t know for sure if the other person just walks away and won’t communicate. Sometimes it hurts less, even if you know a break is inevitable, to know that the relationship was valued while it lasted, even if it’s best for all that it be ended. Part of the hurt is not knowing and continuing to run your mind around it like you run your tongue around a chipped tooth.

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