41 years later: Freedom and independence was bittersweet

Forty-one years ago…

I was pulling into the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS) in Los Angeles about this time early in the morning. My mother drove me, as I did not even have my drivers’ license.

I had few friends to speak of as I had not been allowed to forge the friendships that most kids do, so it was just my Mom and me. (I learned later that the friendship situation was not because of Mom, but I will tell that story later. )

A few days earlier, Mom threw me a surprise going-away party. Some of the friends/acquaintances I did have showed up, but for the most part it was attended by the adults who were my mother’s friends, or adult relatives, and people we knew from my mother’s shop, a Curries’ Ice Cream Store.

My parents were already divorced My father did not attend, and I am not sure now if he was even invited.

When I called him several weeks before my 18th birthday to tell him I wanted to join the military and needed his signature on the paperwork (women needed parents’ permission until the age of 21), he got angry and refused to sign it.

“There are only two kinds of women who join the military. Whores and lesbians. Which one are you?”

I did not know what either of those two types of women were (yes, I was that naive) , but I knew it was an insult to me.  I went to the dictionary to look them both up.

I called my recruiter and lied to him that I did not know how to reach my father.  I remember distinctly using the words, “he abandoned the family.”  At 17, I suppose I felt  justified in using those words.

My paperwork was pushed through with a waiver for paternal consent.

So, here I was finally on my way to freedom from a crazy, mixed-up family to a life of me making my own decisions.  Of course, I see the irony in that decision today.

As my Mom pulled around the circle of the MEPS center, I remember not wanting to have her walk-in with me, but simply drop me off.  Secretly, I wanted her to put her arms around me and tell me that she did not want me to go.  I do not remember if she came in with me or not.

That whole day is a bit of a blur, though I remember raising my hand and taking the oath of enlistment. I remember a lot of paperwork. I also remember waiting around for a lot of time.

My clearest memory of that day is being on the airplane, my first plane ride. I was off to San Antonio to Lackland Air Force Base for Basic Training and was the day I, with many others, were off…

…into the wild, blue yonder.

One more thing that I remember very clearly of the day was my mother and I both crying at the MEPS Center, though I do not remember if it was in the building or out in the parking lot.  She did not generally show her emotion, nor did she speak a lot of it, either, but I will never forget her last words to me before I had to do all those things needed before I was processed…

“My baby is growing up.”

 

Looking at life through the eyes of my six-year-old nephew

“When I’m 20, how old will you be, Auntie Coco?”

The words brought tears to my eyes tonight, my thoughts going immediately to the idea that I would not be around to see his 20th birthday.

I have 10 nieces and nephews. Each of them are very special to me, whether they realize it or not. Unfortunately, I do not know most of them very well, nor do they know me.  In fact, to some of them, I am the “old aunt” who is (fill-in-the-blank-with-an-adjective-that-may-or-may-not-be-accurate), their view of me being some story of me told to them by someone else.

That is how it is in some families.  That is certainly how it is for me, being the oldest child of a family of five with two-and-a-half to four years age difference between each of us, and my growing up and leaving home at age 18 when I joined the military.

My youngest nephew, Aiden, was born six years ago today.  I have had the opportunity to see him throughout his young life.

I missed his being born by only a few days, as he decided to wait until after I returned home to Washington to be born.  I am glad , however, to have had the time my youngest sister during those last days of her pregnancy. I went back out in the fall and was able to meet him as a tiny infant.

A few months later, my sister, niece and nephew moved to Washington, and we have had the opportunity to build a family relationship over these last six years that has been relatively foreign to me during the previous 35 years.  I have been included in and able to go to concerts and graduation, birthday parties, holiday get-togethers, and so much more.  My youngest sister, who is more than 13 years younger than me, has helped to bridge and fill a large gap that was missing in my life, as circumstances of life have taken  twists and turns.

Through my nephew, I have seen pure joy, as many receive with their grandchildren, which I was not able to see during these same stages with my own two.  Once again, life’s challenges have prevented that, which affects the relationships we share.

Aiden has filled that void for me, and we have a special bond, as no other, even though we do not see one another often enough.

When I called him tonight to wish him a “Happy Birthday,” and he asked me the age question (followed by the, “when I’m 30, 40, and 50” follow-ups),  I felt an incredible sense of fear that this cancer will take away the experience of joy of seeing him grow up.  There was a sense of sadness that he, too, might not know the whole me I want him to know, just as with my grandchildren and other nieces and nephews.

I realized that as this little boy asked me how old I will be when, he does not have the same sense of time that I do.  At six-years-old, he is in the moment, and lives for right now. Of course, he does not understand all the realities of life that he may face in his adulthood. He is simply living his life at six years old, excited about getting a bike and looking forward to his next birthday.

I was reminded of a big lesson tonight, when I called…

Live in the moment.  Dream big. Hope for more.

I am looking forward to seeing him on Sunday at his party at Chuck E. Cheese’s, where I plan on being a kid with him.  Laughing with him, playing with him, and his friends, my niece, my sister and whomever else shows up.  I don’t care how silly I look or how foolish I may sound.

I look forward to the surprise on his face when he returns home (I’ll be there to see it) from the party, and he walks in to see the drum set that I bought him for his birthday and set up while he was away at church before meeting at the pizza parlor.

But most of all, I look forward to celebrating many more birthdays with him.

Let’s see, Aiden…Auntie Coco will be 73 when you are 20…83 when you are 30, 93 at 40…and 103 when you turn 50.

Let’s keep dreaming, my dear, sweet nephew!

What Even Robin Williams Probably Didn’t Understand About Depression (by Theresa Wiza)

What Even Robin Williams Probably Didn’t Understand About Depression.

This article by Theresa Wiza is self-disclosure and wisdom that few writers are willing to share so openly.

In light of the recent news about the tragic situation in the life of comic and actor Robin Williams, and his family, this author gives you more than just a glimpse of what may be going through the minds of many who suffer (often) silently.

Technological Challenges of an Otherwise Adept Communicator

I am a communicator.

I like to talk. I like to write.

I like to interact with others.

I know that technology has opened up the doors and made things possible in ways we never dreamed possible.  But even as I try to maneuver through a process of trying to figure out what direction to take my blog, there are too many options and some of the language words used make absolutely no sense to me, let alone trying to understand how this all works.

Technology, though it has helped me in some ways, has left me feeling rather inept as a communicator.

Perhaps the time has come that I take a class somewhere.  Is there an adult education class at the local community college on “How to Blog Using WordPress”?

I am sure that there is a tutorial somewhere on this site that should take me through it, but what about those of us who learn better in a classroom, with collaborative, face-to-face learning?  I have watched videos, but I value the one-on-one connections with other human beings, where I can ask questions, get answers, and have someone talk me through the process interactively.

It has been suggested that I simply hire someone to do it for me.  My experience with that has been that the one who is hired is unwilling to do it collaboratively, but is impatient and wants to do it his way and has no time for me wanting to understand the process.

So there is just one of my dilemmas, as I move forward.  Any suggestions or advice?

I simply ask that you do not send me a tutorial for said advice. 😉

 

Making Changes Soon

I am at a crossroads in some of what I want to do with this blog and where I want to go with a coaching business.  I’m looking for a mentor, and others with whom to consult, regarding getting things on the right track, and launched before the end of the year.

I like collaboration and finding the right people to bounce ideas off of seems difficult for me.  I have not yet figured out exactly why.

But, there are some things churning.  I’m also in a process of purging myself of those elements that do not serve well.  This is especially difficult, but necessary.  I simply need to remember that progress is more important than perfection.

As soon as I figure out the details, I will disclose.  My target date is in the late fall.

In the meantime, I will continue to post here from time-to-time, as well as the other sites.  Learning more about what is possible using social media comes slowly for me, as I am also still working, but I’ll get it figured out.

So, tell me…what changes are you making in your life?  In your business?  I’m curious!!

Another Birthday: 59 and Time to Shine

  Another birthday has come and is nearly over, though I use my August to celebrate each day as a reminder to find something in each day that is good. Today I celebrated another day, another year, another birthday.  Two years ago, there were many of us who were not too sure that I would see the end of the year, let alone another birthday.  And here I am, now at the age of 59, getting ready to enter into my second day of what will be my 60th year of life.

Life is one of those things that I have taken for granted so much of the time.  I know that I am not alone in that, as it takes some of us a bit longer to realize what is truly important. I have certainly come to understand it much better.  I still wish that I had more influence in this world, so that others do not have to take so long and waste as much precious time as I have over the years.

Rather than ruminate on that, I will simply say that I am so grateful to have lived two more years of life, and my plan is to get another decade or two out of it.  But for now, I shall simply enjoy this last year before the next milestone.

And I must admit, I don’t think I look half-bad for an old gal of 59.  In fact, I don’t think I look half-bad at all.  There are just some things that get better with age.