I’m not quite sure exactly sure who taught me the F-word. Both of my parents were quite expert at using the four-letter word. I think they both taught me well. At least, the foundation was set.
Their friends and other family were also quite capable of it, though I seem to recall some were quieter about doing so.
I did not use the F-word too much growing up. Well, not when I was around them (my parents) or other people. If I would have uttered it, I would have been in big trouble.
I had to be a good girl. I was not allowed to use such language in the company of others. Use of the F-word “reflected poorly on the family.”
But in a low whisper, I defied them and continued to use it. They rarely noticed. They were too busy volleying their own obscenities, the F-word solidly finding its way into their language.
By the time I was 18-years-old, I was quite adept at spewing vile words, the F-word as a solid foundation of the other words that would come streaming out of my mouth.
Joining the military helped to perpetuate the use of such language. No matter how hard I tried to curb using it…A-ha! It would sneak its way into life’s conversations with others quite often.
If I’m honest with you (and myself), I have used the F-word a lot in my nearly 58 years.
Far too often to count. Far too much to have known how much damage it could do in my relationships with others. Far too deeply to understand its effect on me.
I have had to make my apologies from time-to-time for using such language.
What I have found odd is that, most of the time, people do not seem to care that I use it. Or they pretend not to notice.
I have worked long and hard at ridding myself of use the F-word and I must admit that I am getting better at it, though I am caught off-guard at times. Nowadays, I try not to speak it often.
But every once in a while , I start worrying about it. Then I start to think about what others will think of me. And then my fear is that they won’t like me. So, I shut down from speaking my truth.
I just knew I couldn’t go for too long without using it!
The worst F-word that I have spoken in my life. Ugh!
Now it’s time to go wash out my mouth with soap…Damn those four-letter F-words!