I Miss You, Mom


I have very few pictures of my mother and me.

This one was taken on Thanksgiving Day 2010.

MomMeTDay2010

A lot has changed since the day this was taken. It was a few days less than seven months later that my mother passed away.

That was 18 months ago today. 

A year and one week later, I was admitted to the hospital and had surgery to begin my fight with stage IV Carcinoid Cancer/Neuroendocrine Tumors (NETs). 

So many times I have picked up the phone to call Mom, especially in these last six months.  I don’t know that I believe others when they tell me that it gets easier as time continues to tick away.

Sometimes, I wish I could talk with her about all that I am facing, because I feel like she would have some sort of wisdom that was so “Marian,” usually rife with a brand of irreverent humor only she could pull off.

…and then I think how glad I am that she never had to hear that I have this cancer.

One of the last times I saw her, she noted that I’d lost quite a bit of weight since that Thanksgiving visit.  It had been about 20 pounds.

About two weeks before she passed away, she made me promise her that I would “take care” of myself and my health.  I promised I would.

Had she seen me a year later, I’d dropped another 40 pounds in four months.  I’m not sure what she would have said or how she might have reacted if she would have learned of my diagnosis.

As a mother myself, I never want to hear that my daughter has cancer, especially at stage IV.

But as a daughter, I still wish I could hear her voice once again.

* * * * * * * *

I dial her number, and a  man with a thick, Hispanic accent answers, “Hello?”

“I’m sorry.  I must have dialed the wrong number.”

I hang up, feeling guilty for having lied. 

And then I weep.

I miss you, Mom.

MomMeCamano1956

(Note:  I wrote and delivered this eulogy for my mother’s memorial:  Eulogy for my Mother )

Learn more about Carcinoid Cancer and Neuroendocrine Tumors (NETs) at http://www.carcinoid.org/ and http://www.carcinoidawareness.org/

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6 thoughts on “I Miss You, Mom

  1. Sharyn Hay

    On June 2 2012 I had to tell my 87 year old mother that the pathology report came back saying that I have carcinoid lung cancer. I hated to tell her because she lost her father, brother and first husband to cancer and she is herself a survivor as are her two living sisters. All she could say through her tears was that children shouldn’t die before their parents. As a few days went by and we talked I said words that changed my thinking forever. “Mom, we both believe we are going to heaven. Who gets to decide whether you will be waiting there for me or I will be waiting for you.?” As things stand right now she is more likely to get there first because of her age. Coral, I am glad you never had that conversation with your mother but know that I have been comforted while going through it. Believing in Jesus means that He sends the Comforter to the one who needs it, no matter which generation it is. I look forward to seeing you and your mom on the other side when these wornout bodies are cast off and we receive our heavenly ones.

    1. Marilu Thompson

      Amen, Sharyn! I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer in 1984; we had 6 DAYS after her diagnosis before the Lord spared her further suffering, but those 6 days were precious. As Coral says, sometimes I still want to “go downstairs” where she lived with us for the last 7 years of her life and tell her stuff…but then again, I’m glad she hasn’t had to know SOME of this stuff that has troubled us; just to know of that reunion with her, Daddy and many more keep me going. Blessings on all of you who share here and have hope for tomorrow!

      1. Marilu…thanks for stopping by to read and comment and share your story. Much love to you and many blessings in this holiday season and for 2013. ❤

    1. Thanks, Crystal, for stopping by. What I would do to have us all together again up on the Island as we used to do. What a reunion that would be! Hugs and much love to you and yours!

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