I often wonder how it is that I am attracted to certain people, things, situations.
Sometimes, attraction has no rhyme or reason. I can be seduced (and confused) by what I see and experience in those moments when my desires outrun my sensibilities.
And as odd as it may sound, I am reminded of this when I think of the cookware I have bought and used over the years.
I confused the newness, shininess and the ability to get hot quickly…with quality. Instead, I ended up with something that was eventually useless to me because the high heat (and my neglect) destroyed the vessel rather quickly . It left me feeling foolish and I was without a pot to cook food for my own nourishment, or to share with others.
When I saw an old, well-seasoned, cast-iron pot at the thrift store for about half the cost of the destroyed pot, I hesitated before buying it. It wasn’t ergonomically designed; it was heavy and harder to transport.
I became so familiar with the cast iron that I loved cooking with it more than I ever cooked with the fancier, more expensive cookware. And it used less of my energy, but gave me more joy because it wasn’t so high maintenance. I didn’t need to polish it, but simply keep it in good working order. It never fails me, whether cooking for one or for others.
I think this is true in all that life gives us, including careers, friendships, love, and intimacy.
How many buy the newest and brightest new gadget, toy, or appliance, only to find out that it doesn’t work quite the way we thought it would? We are seduced by the promise of a better life (or whatever the advertisers tell us) when we have a certain product.
How many people stay in jobs that don’t suit them? With companies that are not a good fit? Complaining, and hating our jobs, we “will do anything, if they pay enough.”
We are attracted to people and their looks, status, power, or money. Yet, we remain in friendships with people whose negativity sucks the very life from us. In love relationships where there is no passion in or out of the bedroom.
We have to learn when and how to let go. Learn how to recognize if we can or cannot make the difference. Or be effective in a particular situation.
Sometimes things, people and jobs are simply not a good fit or vice versa. And we might have been spared, if only we recognized our familiar patterns of behavior. But in life, love or career, learning how to do what is best for us does not come without pain or guilt.
Yet, we can learn how to exercise better judgment, and to truly know ourselves and our triggers. When we start paying attention, we get better at it. We begin to realize that the first look at someone, something, or a particular situation is not always the most accurate one. We recognize our own patterns of seduction, attraction, and then are only momentarily distracted by the “sparkle.”
There really is something to be said for maturity.