Seven weeks ago, almost to this very minute, I was in the operating room being sedated. I have yet to fill you in on all the details of the surgery. I have wanted to get back to “normal” first.
I can honestly tell you that
there are times I don’t want to think about all that has transpired in these last several months. The quintessential “ignore-it-and-it-will-go-away” response.
The trouble with this: It hasn’t gone away. It won’t go away. And by my
refusal reluctance to share in this blog, I affect my own ability to connect in a way that I am (perhaps) intended to make connection in this world.
I have some sort of fantasy that I am to impart through perfect words and punctuation some sort of knowledge and understanding, or wisdom to the masses, or at least to those few who follow my blog. How arrogant and pompous I can be!!
I just want things to be “normal” again. Whatever the hell that means.
I have certainly not ever been normal. Or perfect. Maybe it’s time for me to get “real.” Forget about what others are going to think when they read the rawness of emotion. The down-and-dirty truth. Riddled with profanity. Sometimes, those are the only words that express the truth.
“Normal.” It’s just a word.
Nothing feels normal anymore. Come to think of it, it never has.