What the Hell is “Normal”??

Seven weeks ago, almost to this very minute, I was in the operating room being sedated. I have yet to fill you in on all the details of the surgery.  I have wanted to get back to “normal” first.

I can honestly tell you that there are times I don’t want to think about all that has transpired in these last several months.  The quintessential “ignore-it-and-it-will-go-away” response.

The trouble with this:  It hasn’t gone away.  It won’t go away.  And by my refusal reluctance to share in this blog, I affect my own ability to connect in a way that I am (perhaps) intended to make connection in this world.

I have some sort of fantasy that I am to impart through perfect words and punctuation some sort of knowledge and understanding, or wisdom to the masses, or at least to those few who follow my blog.  How arrogant and pompous I can be!!

I just want things to be “normal” again.  Whatever the hell that means.

I have certainly not ever been normal.  Or perfect.  Maybe it’s time for me to get “real.”  Forget about what others are going to think when they read the rawness of emotion. The down-and-dirty truth.  Riddled with profanity.  Sometimes, those are the only words that express the truth.

“Normal.”  It’s just a word.

Nothing feels normal anymore.  Come to think of it, it never has.


6 thoughts on “What the Hell is “Normal”??

  1. Cathy Youngling

    You are not normal – you are extraordinary. And you have been through HELL. Just how to do this, go through HELL, I can’t tell you. This is something you need to figure out, because everyone is different. Only some are extraordinary. There is no one out there who wouldn’t will you more normalcy if they could… but we can’t. Strength to be who you are because that is what your situation demands. You be you. Be pissed if you’re are pissed, sad if you are sad. Be you.

    1. I’m never quite sure just how to respond to others who say that I am “amazing” or “extraordinary.” I tell others whom I coach to simply say, “Thank you.” So once again, I offer you my gratitude for reminding me to look BEYOND the situation–the challenges–as I encourage others to do on a daily basis. Thank you, Cathy.

  2. Sarina

    Haha, yet another post I can relate too. I’ve been chasing both perfection and the idea of “normal” for as long as I can remember. It’s the end of a rainbow of sorts; in your mind those destinations exist, but in reality you’re just giving yourself high blood pressure and anxiety for nothing…. That’s my realization, but for some reason I can’t come to terms with it and just let it go and just be “normal” 😉 (At least I still have my sense of humor…)

    I say: write what you want to write, because it doesn’t matter if it comes out in fragments. It’ll be valid because it comes from a real experience. Fragments, or not, people can/will relate because it’s the human condition.

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