Finding Myself


I sometimes wonder if I would have been labeled as having “ADD,” if I were a child of today.

My mother would say about me:  “She is still trying to find herself…(and don’t you think at nearly 55 she should have done that already?)”  Others might call me: “Scatter-brained,” “unfocused,” or a “procrastinator.”

I am inquisitive.  My mind races with the exploration of new ideas.  And once I think of one, it jumps to another.

I like to learn.  Not a lot about one thing, but a little about everything.  Having tidbits of knowledge makes it easy for me to be able to start a conversation with anyone and introduce others with similar interests, before I’m off to begin another conversation elsewhere.

I enjoy being able to create.  I have many different, and often unrelated, interests.  But I never seem to have enough time to finish most creative project, before I’m off to another, with a half-finished project taking its place with the menagerie of abandoned others.

I love people.  All kinds.  It doesn’t matter to me if they are short or tall, thin or fat, young or old, rich or poor, brown or white, normal or weird.  I know people from all over the world, from all different cultural and socio-economic backgrounds, and can “hang” with any of them.  Few know me very well, and what I know of them is also surface knowledge.

I want to be able to explore and experience all that this world has to offer.  I remember wanting the same thing as a young child, but “not having the direction” to do so.  As an adult, I didn’t have the discipline to know how to make it all come to fruition.

Someone who wanted to experience a variety of the things life had to offer, or who was good at many things (but not excellent at any one thing),  was somehow “flawed.”  These were the children who were often left standing on the sidelines because they didn’t know WHAT they wanted to be, rather than encouraged to find a way to find the common elements in all of the things in order to create a niche for them or guide them to learning how to find and use resources to do it for themselves.

I find myself sitting on the sidelines a lot of times, still trying to figure out how to create the niche in a way that meets the standards of what was ingrained by my upbringing.

What are the common elements?  Where do I fit?  What is truly important to me?  How can I get past the emotions attached to being scrutinized by others…or myself, as I try to measure my successes to those of others? How do I rid myself of the “voices” that repeat the same old criticisms as they did 30, 40 or 50 years ago?

I am beginning to find myself.  I am learning to find my own “voice” through writing.  I have somehow been able to discard the criticisms I have heard about my writing style, or my ruminations, and continue to write.

Writing is a way for me to explore new ideas, styles, genres and options.  Some have been less than perfect.  Some projects have been discarded.  Others have been shelved, waiting patiently to be dusted off and finished.

And because they are my words and my thoughts, I have no one else but me to answer to if I do not write something down or finish the thought.  I can also start new projects, as I see fit…and to fit my needs for the moment.

And for the moment, I choose to use words…to learn, share and grow; to create, explore, and experience; and, from time-to-time, simply to ruminate.

NOTE from the author:  My new blog, “Words,” explores the meaning of new words, but in a creative way.  I invite you to follow this new blog, with its Word of the Day format, first reading “An Introduction to Words.”

Other writings on many topics (using a variety of genres) can be found at Associated Content. You can also read articles dedicated to the topics of career transition and the job search process at Examiner.com .

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