I’ve failed miserably at my goal of writing daily.
One thing that I’ve noticed is that when I feel bombarded with the challenges that life offers, I tend to want to shut down and retreat. This is not necessarily a positive thing; I want go into isolation and insulation mode.
I need people in my life. I’m energized by having others around me. I’m one of those true extroverts. Yet, people also bring their own issues with them and facing these things this week has been overwhelming.
Though I know there are some stories to write when I’m feeling less overwhelmed by them, here is the lowdown of the past seven days:
1. Late Thursday night or Friday morning, my car was vandalized. Small window ($800+ for the glass) was broken; door lock bent so it doesn’t lock properly; totebag with all my training materials I use for my job stolen.
2. Friday night, my computer started acting up. Seems that it has been highly infected with spy- or adware with high threats.
3. Late last week, a friend, age 41, who has been battling stage 4 metastatic breast cancer announced that cancer has again returned to her brain. This time it is not isolated to one location in the brain but is “sprinkled like powder sugar” throughout.
4. Yesterday during the workshop I teach, I was at a loss as to how to respond appropriately to the hard, cold realities of war and casualties, and how to effectively see beyond those realities in order to see the the skills required to get through these types of experiences. My emotions got the best of me in front of the class.
Yes, I need people around for my energy, but that need also brings with it feelings of anger, disappointment, annoyance, pain, fear, vulnerability, grief, and so many more. I cannot escape these feelings. Sometimes, I don’t know how to manage them.
When bombarded with so many things at once, it’s difficult to take care of one thing before having to move onto the next. Eventually, it all becomes manageable, but in the meantime, figuring out the way to gracefully manuever through the rapidly-fired challenges of life until it settles down is exhausting.
I need a vacation.