Saturday was a day off…I woke up at 5 a.m. It figures. I was to pay some sort of penance. Friday, I was late for work. Actually, I wasn’t late. I was on the schedule for the day–my only day on the schedule for the month. It had not occurred to me to check my planner, so quite simply…
I FORGOT .
I received the phone call around 11:30 a.m. It was the owner (my boss) telling me that she had come up to the shop to make a delivery and the store wasn’t open. She opened and covered until I could get there at 12:30 p.m., an hour and a half later than when I was supposed to be there. If I would not have gotten that call, I would have not realized it until the moment I opened my book to check something else and seen the notation.
It’s something I’ve noticed more of lately. Perhaps, I am more aware of it in middle age. But then again, there are times throughout my life I’ve forgotten many things–some trivial, some monumental, some embarrassing, and some quite painful.
There are usually others who will remind me of these times “when…” Sometimes, I have absolutely no recollection. There are periods of and in my life where I do not remember, what seems to be, several year blocks of time. Or I cannot remember incidents that others recall easily. They are not always the difficult or painful moments; I do not remember many joyful moments either.
I ask myself, “Why?” I wonder what it is that keeps me from remembering so many details of my life.
I have recognized that some day-to-day details tend to bore me or they thwart spontaneity. It’s easier for me to look at life in the “big picture,” rather than in all the dirty details. But then I miss out on so much that others capture with their particular views of the world.
Whether some coping skill to deal with past pains or embarrassment, or a flawed personality trait that deals with the moment, or perhaps, it’s simply hormonal changes in old age–forgetfulness sometimes manifests itself as neglectful, unmindful, or as an excuse.
The more a man can forget, the greater the number of metamorphoses which his life can undergo, the more he can remember the more divine his life becomes.~Soren Kierkegaard
This year I’m working on facing those past moments in life that make me uncomfortable. Thank goodness I have made peace with the personality.
And as far as the aging process? There was something I was going to say about it…
…but I’ve FORGOTTEN what it was.